She said her name was "party"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize