The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
