Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
