Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize