You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
