I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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