how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
