Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize