I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
why didn't you poke me back
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
