that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
