Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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