It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I want a musical about memes.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize