I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
