Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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