she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
