There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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