i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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