dude i'm inner monologue high
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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