Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
