Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
