i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
