i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
