I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
