Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
