He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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