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Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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