Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
