if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
