I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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