just come out here and I will go home with you...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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