Cold hands, warm shart.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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