you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize