I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
