The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
