The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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