I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
