We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
