I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
