he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
