Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize