Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
