at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
