so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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