you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
