Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
