the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
