So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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