I just pynch a tree in the face
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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