she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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