Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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