i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what day is it and did you see me today?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
