a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
