I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
