I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
