PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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