Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
