the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
