I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize