margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize