She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
