So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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