my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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