shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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