I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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