is your mom at the bar?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize