I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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