Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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