My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
