I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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