just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
