I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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