Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
