i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
