Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
