True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
