i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
did i just pee glitter
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
