My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
