somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
