I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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