I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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