He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They took my balls.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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