Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
