would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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